DOES ANYONE REMEMBER CARVIN THROBLE?

 

Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt,

I'm contacting you because I feel neglected. My creator, who dreamed me up back in January 2076 - sorry, that's my time zone - January 2022, promised that he would tell my story and keep everyone updated. After three posts on his blog this fizzled out and the old guy got distracted - at first talking about a parallel universe and then his posts morphed into stories about cycling, religion and some pretty weird music stuff.

I don't want to gripe, I am a swordsman after all but is this fair?

- Carvin Throble - Swordsman.

Dear Carvin

So, it's all about you is it? "I don't want to gripe, I am a swordsman after all" you whine. Look Carpin, I don't think you're the sharpest cutlass in the arsenal. Your creator, who clearly suffers from ADHD simply forgot about you. Think yourself lucky. Given his propensity for writing weird posts about his toilet habits and obsessive compulsive compunction to play with silly stringed instruments over and over he could have given you a banjo or a ukulele instead of a cool sword.

Get over it.

Yours in the hope that this advice is helpful.

The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.

p.s. That Putin look you've adopted in your avatar is plain silly. You've obviously sucked in your tummy (as he does) to disguise your man boobs. You should put a shirt on.

NO!

 Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt

At tennis yesterday the topic of discussion turned to women and Rod said that 'a friend of his' had a recurring fantasy of having sex with a mother and daughter at the same time. I think that he thought this was in his head and he surprised himself by saying it out loud.

One of the women in the group looked over at him and said "Rod, in your case I'd be fantasising about the grandmothers".

Anyway, why are women so mean to men (and why are grandmothers starting to look more attractive)?

- Justin Kwisitiv

Dear Justin

I think you are being influenced by that old schoolteacher you know into having imaginary friends. This 'Rod' isn't real is he? I mean, why would he be named Rod? At least that old schoolteacher comes up with interesting names for his imaginary friends. Does this gerontophilia you seem to be developing have anything to do with the fact that you can't run very fast anymore mmm? If so, and you do manage to catch an old dame I suggest that you don't entertain her with sexist jokes like you were heard to say at that same tennis outing when you said, and I quote: 

"They say that women's work is never done. That's why they don't get paid as much as men."

Get over yourself (given that you're unlikely to get over anyone else).

Yours in the spirit of being helpful,

The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.