WAINUIOMATA - WHERE THE GIRLS ARE SMARTER

Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.

I'm reminded of Marcel Proust's 'À la recherche du temps perdu' at present when reminiscing on my happy times living in Wainuiomata. It used to be a fun place full of humour and vibrant wit or, as old Marcel used to put it:

"Soyons reconnaissants envers les gens qui nous rendent heureux, ce sont ces charmants jardiniers qui font fleurir nos âmes.

(Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom)."

Now I fear that wit and humour have been replaced by old 'dad' jokes that are as fresh as an old man's trousers that haven't been changed or washed in years. It's sad really and Proust's positive memories give way to Paul Verlaine's despondency:

"Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automne blessent mon coeur d'une langueur monotone. Tout suffocant et blême, quand sonne l'heure, je me souviens des jours anciens et je pleure."

(The long sobs of autumn violins wound my heart with monotonous languor. All suffocating and pale, when the hour strikes, I remember the old days and I cry")."

What to do?

Chloe (once from Wainuiomata) 

Dear Chloe

I feel for you - I really do.

Old men's trousers should be laundered regularly and, if not actually boiled in a copper should at least be dry-cleaned. I've found that a long soak in bleach (Janola is best because it comes in different aromatics and colours) followed by an hour long boil-up in the copper. If you don't have a copper then a long wash cycle on the very hot setting in your washing machine will suffice. Of course, the use of incontinence pants in the beginning will solve a lot of these little problems.

I trust that this has been helpful.

The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.