Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.
In two weeks I will be leaving, to The Philippines on a jet-plane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go but I'm a bit trepdicallous about the flight seeing that most airplanes seem to crash - at least the ones that I read about on YouTube and Google sites like "Airplanes are always crashing'. I'm also worried about footpads, pickpockets, cut-purses, Jackrollers, marauders and highwaymen. The Curmudgeon pooh-poohed my suggestion that I get a bumbag to protect my valuables and my fiance says that I'm being a bit precious and worrying too much.
What should I do?
Discombobulated and bobadish Bob.
Well Discombobulated and bobadish Bob, I'd stop using John Denver references for a start and that silly moniker you use isn't doing you any favours either.
The Philippines you say? Hey! You're that nutty Catholic guy right? This one?
I'd think that you'll fit in well in The Philippines as they too are a but nutty about Catholicism over there. They have so many Catholic priests that they export them and then have to colour code them as they are so numerous. You've probably heard of Father Orange for example.
As far as worrying about miscreants (and your understanding of thieves seems about as archaic as your attitudes to air travel) The Curmudgeon and your fiance are right. Using a bum bag only draws attention to your valuables and the fact that you are a tourist and worse - in a homophobic Christian country like The Philippines, gay people have to use coded messages to attract like-minded people and I strongly suspect that 'bum bags' are one of the props that they use. On that note I'd advise leaving your little flag at home as well.
I know that you like to bang on talk about your love of Catholicism, the Mass, Jesus, Mary and the Crucifiction and all and you do own your own cross but in The Philippines they take that stuff to a whole new level. It's just as well that you aren't going there at Easter time or they might be looking for another volunteer to carry out this nonsense:
I trust that this advice has been useful and "bon-voyage".
The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.
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