CHASING PUSSY (CATS)

Dear Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt,

I have a problem that seems to be getting worse.
For a while now, when I see an attractive woman I say "woof".
It used to be that I said this to myself, in my head, but more recently I've been saying it out loud.
This is increasing in volume to the point that people are starting to notice. I don't have Tourette Syndrome so cannot blame that if anyone takes offence.
So far my wife hasn't noticed this but it's only a matter of time before I say "Woof" out loud when I'm out with her. She is very observant and will immediately realise that I was looking at an attractive woman before I 'barked'.
What am I to do?

                                                                                                 - Cur(t)

Dear Cur(t).
Yes, you do have a problem but it could be worse. Lord Fortnum in The Bed-Sitting Room thought he was turning into a, well, bed-sitting room. Actually he did ....
Your wife will notice your bow-wowing and I'm surprised that this hasn't happened already.
Do you manifest any other 'doggy' behaviour? Running about? Salivating? Peeing on trees? Licking your balls? Chasing cats? Sniffing crotches? Can I suggest that you just ....STOP THIS STUPID BEHAVIOUR! Get a grip man.

                                                                              - The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt

Maybe there's a club you can join.