HATS ALL FOLKS

Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt I'm excited, really excited. I just bought myself a new hat. This is the first 'proper' hat that I've ever bought. I think it makes me look cool. It makes me look like Paul Newman or Robert Redford or, even, James Dean. I'll be beating women off with a stick. Here's a pic. What do you think?

- Hat Boy 

 Dear Hat Boy. Is that what you think? Really? Look, I don't want to take the wind out of your sails but sartorial elegance isn't in your repertoire, OK? And as for Paul Newman, Robert Redford and James Dean, those guys looked good with or without hats. They were fucking handsome dudes. You seem to have a strange idea of what women like. The only 'beating off' that you will be doing will be in the privacy of your bedroom. 

 Yours, with the intention of being helpful, The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.