DIDACTIC DICK

Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt

I have a problem that's getting worse as I grow older. Everything that I do I need approbation for. It has got to the point that unless someone pats me on the head for things I do that I don't want to do them and prefer to sulk. I write a successful blog and, when I pen a post if I haven't received multiple comments immediately, I become anxious. I've resorted to writing my own comments under pseudonyms and even just under my own name. It makes me feel good to do this. Am I right or am I wrong?

- Dick (of Dick's Rubbish Bag).

Dear dick (it's good to see parents getting some things right), you sound like a bit of a snowflake in your attention seeking behaviour but something about the way that you write and especially how you name yourself suggests that you are older. Much older.

Some people may constantly need approval linked to a poor sense of self-worth. We use approval to bolster our value and that approval validates us. When our internal sense of worth fails, whether from not ever properly being built, mental illness sabotaging it, or just having a bad day of doubting ourselves, that’s when we turn to approval.

Low self-esteem and self-worth may result from trauma, childhood abuse, insecure attachment styles, or other emotional challenges from adverse experiences. Childhood plays a major role in whether we seek approval as an adult. Successfully going through childhood development typically imparts a solidified sense of self-worth and value. When a child is repeatedly given approval, they build up their sense of value. They eventually become confident in their internal sense of validation: they don’t need outside approval because they can often validate and approve themselves. Some children may face challenging experiences that may result in low self-esteem or insecurity. As adults, they might find it hard to validate themselves. Because of this, they might persistently seek approval and turn to people-pleasing behaviours.

I have another correspondent who has similar problems. His name is Richard (of Richard's Bass Bag) .... hey! Are you related to him? Whenever he corresponds I hear 'duelling banjoes' in my head. Uh oh! 

🎵 da da da dee da ...🎵

Yours in the wish that I can be of assistance to you in finding relief for your disturbing and abnormal condition.

The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.