TAKING THE .... SORRY ... A PISS

 Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt

As I've gotten older I find that I need to get up in the middle of the night to go for a pee. This isn't a problem in the warmer months but now that it's getting colder I don't like having to leave a warm bed to shuffle along the passage to the bathroom. Am I right or am I wrong?

 - James Riddle

Dear Jimmy

You need to face the fact that this is going to get worse. If you are only having to get up once during the night then you are lucky. Expect soon for the frequency of urination to double or even triple. Fortunately there's a little trick that I can tell you of.

Long distance truck drivers and elderly relieving (pun not intended) schoolteachers use this: They keep an empty bottle close to hand and, when needed, pee into it. This works very well but I must warn you of some dangers:

• Make sure that you select a bottle that has a big enough spout to pee into. In your case Jimmy, I'm sure that a wine bottle will do.
• Make sure that you empty the wine bottle regularly and not to get it mixed up with any bottles of real wine you no doubt have (given your propensity to pee so much) around the place.
• If the wine bottle has no label that won't be a problem as clean skin wines taste like piss anyway.
• Make sure that you securely screw the cap on the bottle particularly if you keep it in your bed after doing the business.

I trust that this has been helpful.

- The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.