A TALE THAT'S BURSTING TO BE TOLD

 

Dear The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt

I've noticed that my post writing is becoming more turgid of late. When I previously wrote about my loves - Jesus and his virgin mother Mary, I used simple and reverential terms like 'blessed', 'saintly' and 'lovely'. Now I find myself using terms like 'throbbing', 'bursting' and 'immense' as evidenced in my recent posts where I said:

"As I sat Jesus showed me the immensity of his creation. He showed me an ornate throne of indescribable proportion. Truly His kingdom is unimaginably big."

and:

"St Faustina could have Jesus in her body all week after communion."

and:

"Jesus likes us to admire his mother. Wouldn't you."

Do you think that this is appropriate language when directed to the one true God and his mother?

- Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner and toilet cleaner. 

Dear Robert the apath..... bugger that, I'll just call you Sparky OK? 

Well Sparky, I'm glad that you contacted me about this because ..... what the fuck's wrong with you? Can't you see that you're wrong in this? There's no bloody God, gods, deities or God's mothers sitting anywhere let alone in a mythological heaven. Get a bloody grip man.

Also, if there was, your 'turgid' (I like that word) language, which you rightly surmise is a bit inappropriate and more suited to those ghastly Mills and Boon books and the plethora of erotic fiction that has appeared lately (probably due to Covid lockdowns) is hardly the way you should revere your heroes. Would you speak like that to Spiderman? I'm sure that you'd be embarrassed addressing the Easter Bunny in those terms. Superman or Thor would probably belt you one if you suggested their mothers were MILFs.

Look Sparky, I suggest that you get your mind out of the gutter and start reading some decent literature (not C.S. Lewis and other repressed catholics). My recommendation is John Le Carré - generally cultured with a sensible amount of action and no mention of imaginary friends.

Yours, truly, The Curmudgeon's Agony Aunt.